Monday, 14 February 2011

I hate Valentines.

Self explanatory title really, I mean, come on now!

Basicly theres 2 ways it can go: either you don't have a girlfriend, which is fine, and you either do, which means you're fucked.



Why you may ask? Basicly because in order for you to pass this once-a-year test, you are going to have to NOT ONLY spend bucketloads of money (to get the same things that you would get any other day mind you) but you are also going to need a conscious effort to make it all work.


However, you need not be afraid, because I will guide you through all the steps in order for you to be a happy camper at the end of the night.

The first step is, well, easily enough, flowers.

Try not to buy rotten ones, even if they are cheaper.
 That should get you past the first boundary. After that you are going to at least need a card (red or pink - they love that) and maybe some chocolates. Not just a regular chocolate however, you are going to need some overpriced packaged mini chocolates that are shaped like hearts and stuff.

Get the ones that don't look like this one.

After that, you might need a main present, however this varies from girlfriend to girlfriend. I always got away with it with cute stuffed animals, but really, use your imagination here.

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
After that, you drive her to your restaurant of choice, where you reserved a small table for two, and ordered the special set menu meal. It's amazing how little value for money you're getting on this night, im always amazed at how little food is in front of me with how much I spent on it. It's probably going to be something *really* fancy that no one *really* cares about, but nevertheless, it's Valentines isn't it?

This is how it should look...lol jk.

And finally, after all that, you've paid anywhere from 50-150 quid (depending on how much money was 'stolen' from you) just so you can get laid. Once. Maybe if you have a freaky girlfriend she might let you do more stuff to her, but most likely, she's not. Happy Valentines!

P.S Personally im going to get hammered anyway, just makes it easier to pick up single girls. So I guess it's not all that bad.

Random: 
Somewhat related:


Unrelated:

-kaboomix

49 comments:

  1. i hate valentines...but because i dont know what to buy to my wife!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am okay with this! I'm all in

    ReplyDelete
  3. My husband got me cinnamon hearts. I'm happy. that's all I wanted!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hate valentines as well! Followed.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love Valentine :(
    My bf didn't need to do all of that stuff !

    ReplyDelete
  6. Haha fk that. I just bought my girlfriend mcdonald's and went to somewhere scenic and carried it in with a platter. Followed

    ReplyDelete
  7. I lol'd. Good advice, man. Gonna have to let you know how it works out. XD

    ReplyDelete
  8. yerp did all of the above spent about £110 and her mate had asked her mum if she could stay around so low and behold we go back to hers pretty in the mood so we go in and she was sat on her bed and told us she was staying round :/ FML

    ReplyDelete
  9. lol valentines day does suck ass.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Loving this blog... Following.

    Also, you may want to consider moving the "followers" gadget to the sidebar... I almost didn't see it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Nuts to Valentine's day. I'm glad there won't be another one until 364 days from now.

    ReplyDelete
  12. please post more stuff!! i love your work!

    ReplyDelete
  13. nice pictures never heard it called anti valentinesday

    ReplyDelete
  14. I think this is my day ANTI VALENTINE

    followed :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. lol, nice blog my good sir... i enjoy the "out" cat.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Haha. Love it.

    Following and supporting :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Enough said. You have typed everything that i think about valentines day.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Just look at it as, on Valentine's Day CHOCOLATE is on SALE...LOL

    ReplyDelete
  19. Me and my best friend (both female) just bought each other something small and practical for valentines day. Screw all the chocolate and flowers and other bullshit.

    ReplyDelete
  20. dont hate valentines day, i think its lovely ;)

    ReplyDelete
  21. everyone should hate v day lol nice blog followed

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm in a relationship, and valentines day didn't even matter. Random kindness it much better.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Im single right now, so i dont really care to Valentines Day either.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Valentines day is just a good excuse to ruin your diet plan :P

    ReplyDelete
  25. Ha! Just another greeting card holiday! =)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Can't say I'll be looking forward to Valentines day next year. Too much fuss and hype.

    Nice post.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I hate that negating or not taking part in Valentines day is such a social faux pas. My sister is a teacher and said you can see the traumatized fat girls literally dying inside while all the pretty whores-to-be sit gleefully counting there bouquets. Don't get me wrong I had a girlfriend at school and did all the cute shit, it's just absolutely hollow.

    ReplyDelete
  28. We all have our moments. Great post, keep 'em coming.

    ReplyDelete
  29. You win some, you lose some. Following, please check my site out too!

    ReplyDelete
  30. But why hate it? just get a girlfriend and enjoy life!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Broken heard with godzilla. someone is having issues.

    ReplyDelete
  32. On this days I see more people talking about hating v-day than love it. Personally i don't have any problem with it.

    Following :)
    If you can check out my blog -> http://marotinus.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  33. V-Day is for amateurs. Like I've said before, stay in and cook, even if you have a woman.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I totally agree, valentines day is overrated.

    ReplyDelete
  35. definitely like going to mexican restaurants on valentine's day for some vomit-style food.

    ReplyDelete
  36. My girl got a whole lot of nothing, felt kind of bad. But she didn't mind, it would have bought me a lot of brownie points had I bought her something.

    ReplyDelete