Monday, 7 March 2011

Dante's Inferno

Hello, how is everyone doing. It is now Sunday night, and im just chillin' on my pc. I managed to not go out this weekend, still don't know how. I barely got out of my room really. I should exercise more. Sigh. Anyway, a new entry is really due isn't it.

I don't know who made this, but this encompasses exactly how I feel:

SERIOUSLY NOW, what the hell Britain? How annoying? Makes no freaking sense whatsoever. What you have to do to actually wash your face in the morning is scoop up some freezing water, and then some boiling water, and hope you got a good amount of each so that you can splash your face without freezing or burning your facial hair off. Jesus. It's like an old stubborn habbit that they decided not to change. Ever.

Once upon a time, there was the world, and it was good. Then people got all pissed off about everything, and there was violence and sin, and that was bad. Then people decided they needed a device to stop people from doing so much violence and sin, and there was Hell, and it was good.

Hell is the ultimate deterrent — an eternity of pain and suffering. You can't come up with a much more brutal retribution than that. The only catch is that the deterrent only works when people a) believe in it, and b) fear it so much that they lay off the violence and sin.

However, in order for this idea to succeed, the idea of Hell has to be absolutetly horrible, and it needs to be drilled into children's mind before logic sets in.

We also have a map of hell! Dante was kind enough to draw it for us in his famous poem "Inferno".
He divided Hell into nine concentric circles behind a gate with the logo "Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here":

Circle One: The first circle of Hell offers a kinder, gentler repose for noble pagans born before Christ. Captives in the First Circle of Hell were subjected mostly to the ravages of generalized anxiety disorder without the benefit of Paxil but with all the side effects (nausea, asthenia, constipation, infection, dry mouth, yawn, diarrhea, sweating, decreased appetite, sleepiness, dizziness, insomnia, tremor, nervousness, and sexual side effects).

Can't wait for this game, played the previous two when I was younger and they scared the shit out of me!

Circle Two: Lust! As the most understandable of the major sins, lust only makes circle two of Hell, where lustful lovers are tossed about by stormy winds and forbidden from making wild monkey love.
Circle Three: Gluttons live here, and are punished for their gluttony by being subjected to bad weather. Seasonal affective disorder is a bitch!
Circle Four: You don't hear a lot about avarice these days, but the medieval mindset classified it as a major sin. The greedy are condemned here to working for the man every night and day, doing pointless and menial tasks. Future residents include Bill Gates and Martha Stewart.

I wonder when Google Maps will have Hell on it's database..

Circle Five: The angry spend eternity duking it out here, naked in a vast river of jello. Or something. Look for Sean Penn and Dick Cheney.

Circle Six: This circle of Hell is filled with "heretics," by which Dante mostly means Muslims.
Circle Seven: Ah, violence! You gotta love violence! Dante classified three kinds of violence — against self, against others and against God. Inhabitants spotted by Dante included Attila the Hun and Alexander the Great. Since this category includes warmongers, George W Bush is a potential future inmate. Dante's definition of "violence against God" inexplicably includes sodomy, which he classes as a more serious crime than murder, so the Seventh Circle could potentially host Robert Mapplethorpe and Oscar Wilde, who would be flayed on burning sands, while Adolf Hitler would merely be turned into a tree for the crime of Suicide. There is no justice.

Circle Eight: If the Seventh Circle offended your sensibilities, the Eighth is simply baffling. In the next worst circle of Hell, the sufferings of the damned would be inflicted on those who have committed the following sins (all of which are deemed more evil than murder and warmongering). In order of increasing severity: Pandering, flattery, hypocrisy, fortune telling, theft, giving bad advice, instigating trouble, alchemy, impersonation, counterfeiting, lying, and being a giant.
Circle Nine: The Ninth Circle is for betrayers of every stripe, with all the big names in betraying thoroughly represented. Judas, Brutus, Cassius, Benedict Arnold and finally, frozen in hell's center, Satan himself. Judas, Cassius and Brutus are actually being eternally chewed by Satan, who has an intense dislike for Shakespearean characters.

So there you have it folks, where do you think you belong? I found this simple test, I only made it to the second circle :/ Definately expected more:

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)High
Level 7 (Violent)Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

So there you have it for the informative part of this post. There were a few great looking days here in the UK, sun was out and all, even though it did manage to creep to 0 degrees celcius at nights. Fuck that. Also I started by diet in preparation for my six pack (yeah right). I bought a crapload of 'healthy' stuff to munch on, and pretty much don't use any oil on my foods. It's all about the grill and the boil. I think I'll manage to shed a couple kilos before I start working out again.

What you *don't* want your six-pack to look like.

Anyone a work-out freak out there? How do you do it?!?!?! Haha. Also started watching the Twin Peaks series, it's amazing! Can't stop watching it, but im trying not to watch every episode in a single day. I love that kind of mystery and surrealism.

That's all I think, hope you had a better weekend that mine, and get ready for tomorrow, it's everyone's favourite day. Tell me in what circle of hell you ended up in. Would be interesting..I think....



See you next time.

P.S: No it's not a pattern that I have animals being killed by other animals second time in a row in my Random segment. Poor Pumba.



  1. i can't wait for new Diablo either. That was my favorite game growing up.. I still bust out Diablo 2 every once n a while.

    I just saw Lion King on Broadway the other night, was an amazing production!

  2. i really hope a hell like that doesnt exist

  3. Ooo I really can't wait for this! Thanks for sharing!

  4. diablo is going to be late again .. it's annoying .. nice post man +followed

  5. I can't wait for diablo it is going to be amazing.

  6. I think Decard Cane will be the villain. Why is he the only survivor of Tristram and why does he know so much?

  7. how can you drift from one subject to another in just one post? lol.

  8. The inferno is actually a pretty interesting book if you get around to reading it. Not religiously accurate but very interesting.

  9. I'm waitting for new diablo!

  10. That sink really pisses me off..

  11. I'mlevel 7. I always wanted to meet a centaur so that's pretty cool. I think I got this because I am atheist so I wasn't that in favor of god. Following!