Monday, 14 February 2011

I hate Valentines.

Self explanatory title really, I mean, come on now!

Basicly theres 2 ways it can go: either you don't have a girlfriend, which is fine, and you either do, which means you're fucked.



Why you may ask? Basicly because in order for you to pass this once-a-year test, you are going to have to NOT ONLY spend bucketloads of money (to get the same things that you would get any other day mind you) but you are also going to need a conscious effort to make it all work.


However, you need not be afraid, because I will guide you through all the steps in order for you to be a happy camper at the end of the night.

The first step is, well, easily enough, flowers.

Try not to buy rotten ones, even if they are cheaper.
 That should get you past the first boundary. After that you are going to at least need a card (red or pink - they love that) and maybe some chocolates. Not just a regular chocolate however, you are going to need some overpriced packaged mini chocolates that are shaped like hearts and stuff.

Get the ones that don't look like this one.

After that, you might need a main present, however this varies from girlfriend to girlfriend. I always got away with it with cute stuffed animals, but really, use your imagination here.

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
After that, you drive her to your restaurant of choice, where you reserved a small table for two, and ordered the special set menu meal. It's amazing how little value for money you're getting on this night, im always amazed at how little food is in front of me with how much I spent on it. It's probably going to be something *really* fancy that no one *really* cares about, but nevertheless, it's Valentines isn't it?

This is how it should look...lol jk.

And finally, after all that, you've paid anywhere from 50-150 quid (depending on how much money was 'stolen' from you) just so you can get laid. Once. Maybe if you have a freaky girlfriend she might let you do more stuff to her, but most likely, she's not. Happy Valentines!

P.S Personally im going to get hammered anyway, just makes it easier to pick up single girls. So I guess it's not all that bad.

Random: 
Somewhat related:


Unrelated:

-kaboomix
Posted by at

49 comments:

  1. Anonymous14 February 2011 at 19:58

    Im down with this

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  2. Leviuqse14 February 2011 at 20:44

    i hate valentines...but because i dont know what to buy to my wife!!

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  3. JR14 February 2011 at 21:58

    I am okay with this! I'm all in

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  4. Meltedsnowgirl14 February 2011 at 23:47

    My husband got me cinnamon hearts. I'm happy. that's all I wanted!

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  5. thorxlive15 February 2011 at 09:15

    I hate valentines as well! Followed.

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  6. The Pokemon Master-er15 February 2011 at 17:28

    I love Valentine :(
    My bf didn't need to do all of that stuff !

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  7. Monumental_Mammoth15 February 2011 at 17:28

    Haha fk that. I just bought my girlfriend mcdonald's and went to somewhere scenic and carried it in with a platter. Followed

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  8. Wobbles15 February 2011 at 17:39

    I lol'd. Good advice, man. Gonna have to let you know how it works out. XD

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  9. Just that guy15 February 2011 at 17:58

    yerp did all of the above spent about £110 and her mate had asked her mum if she could stay around so low and behold we go back to hers pretty in the mood so we go in and she was sat on her bed and told us she was staying round :/ FML

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  10. KUSHtunes15 February 2011 at 18:20

    lol valentines day does suck ass.

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  11. Double C15 February 2011 at 18:20

    Loving this blog... Following.

    Also, you may want to consider moving the "followers" gadget to the sidebar... I almost didn't see it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Boatato15 February 2011 at 18:23

    Nuts to Valentine's day. I'm glad there won't be another one until 364 days from now.

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  13. Leviuqse15 February 2011 at 18:41

    please post more stuff!! i love your work!

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  14. D.15 February 2011 at 18:47

    Me too man!

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  15. Brendan15 February 2011 at 19:11

    nice pictures never heard it called anti valentinesday

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  16. Choms133715 February 2011 at 19:48

    I think this is my day ANTI VALENTINE

    followed :)

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  17. doingitwrong15 February 2011 at 19:51

    lol, nice blog my good sir... i enjoy the "out" cat.

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  18. Kerykeion15 February 2011 at 23:54

    Valentines day sucks.

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  19. The Facts of Vidya16 February 2011 at 00:23

    Haha. Love it.

    Following and supporting :)

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  20. S.S.16 February 2011 at 00:57

    Enough said. You have typed everything that i think about valentines day.

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  21. Anonymous16 February 2011 at 00:57

    Just look at it as, on Valentine's Day CHOCOLATE is on SALE...LOL

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  22. Tó Rock16 February 2011 at 01:01

    I hate it too man! ;)

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  23. Rememberdnb16 February 2011 at 01:09

    Me and my best friend (both female) just bought each other something small and practical for valentines day. Screw all the chocolate and flowers and other bullshit.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Paranormal Encounter16 February 2011 at 02:20

    i hate valetines just as much as u

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  25. Kazon16 February 2011 at 04:05

    Funny stuff.

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  26. Igneel2116 February 2011 at 09:40

    all hail the single army haha

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  27. Me16 February 2011 at 10:21

    you lost me

    ReplyDelete
  28. mtn16 February 2011 at 10:36

    dont hate valentines day, i think its lovely ;)

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  29. Teal16 February 2011 at 11:01

    everyone should hate v day lol nice blog followed

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  30. Witteus16 February 2011 at 12:08

    Lol i feel you,

    Witte

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  31. Yuki Ookami16 February 2011 at 15:16

    Lol I think you read my mind!

    ReplyDelete
  32. General Degeneracy16 February 2011 at 17:08

    Valentines Day Blows.

    ReplyDelete
  33. tangerine nectarine lemons16 February 2011 at 19:24

    I'm in a relationship, and valentines day didn't even matter. Random kindness it much better.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Cartz16 February 2011 at 22:35

    Im single right now, so i dont really care to Valentines Day either.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Come At Me Bro16 February 2011 at 23:10

    Nice food!

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  36. Anonymous17 February 2011 at 03:38

    Valentines day is just a good excuse to ruin your diet plan :P

    ReplyDelete
  37. Charles17 February 2011 at 03:50

    yeah it sucks

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  38. Chris C.17 February 2011 at 04:52

    Ha! Just another greeting card holiday! =)

    ReplyDelete
  39. Anonymous17 February 2011 at 10:58

    Can't say I'll be looking forward to Valentines day next year. Too much fuss and hype.

    Nice post.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Anonymous17 February 2011 at 11:00

    I hate that negating or not taking part in Valentines day is such a social faux pas. My sister is a teacher and said you can see the traumatized fat girls literally dying inside while all the pretty whores-to-be sit gleefully counting there bouquets. Don't get me wrong I had a girlfriend at school and did all the cute shit, it's just absolutely hollow.

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  41. Manny Calavera17 February 2011 at 11:56

    We all have our moments. Great post, keep 'em coming.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Todd Andrews17 February 2011 at 12:04

    You win some, you lose some. Following, please check my site out too!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Patti D.17 February 2011 at 12:06

    But why hate it? just get a girlfriend and enjoy life!!

    ReplyDelete
  44. Joe Somebody17 February 2011 at 13:01

    Broken heard with godzilla. someone is having issues.

    ReplyDelete
  45. wutssz17 February 2011 at 13:07

    On this days I see more people talking about hating v-day than love it. Personally i don't have any problem with it.

    Following :)
    If you can check out my blog -> http://marotinus.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  46. LiveTheBoss17 February 2011 at 13:12

    V-Day is for amateurs. Like I've said before, stay in and cook, even if you have a woman.

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  47. Tom17 February 2011 at 13:22

    I totally agree, valentines day is overrated.

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  48. jonwinters17 February 2011 at 13:37

    definitely like going to mexican restaurants on valentine's day for some vomit-style food.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Erasmus17 February 2011 at 18:48

    My girl got a whole lot of nothing, felt kind of bad. But she didn't mind, it would have bought me a lot of brownie points had I bought her something.

    ReplyDelete

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